suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
