some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
