My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
