Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
This show inspires me to have sex in space
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
