the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
