I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
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