Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize
