Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
