do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Jerry, you need to find god
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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