I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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