I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
