My friends, they love my intelligence
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
