So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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