I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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