it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
