the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I wish there were birth control emojis
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
