is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
