He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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