you guys were way drunker than both of me
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
