Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
