you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize