If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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