I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
