Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Be still, my beating vagina.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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