You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
where are my eyebrows?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
