Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
