Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
