I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
