And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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