My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
