So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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