All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
