I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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