you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
