Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
