Yo dont text me then not text me
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
