AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize