If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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