I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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