well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
