he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize