Need sex. Gaining weight.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
