No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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