we have officially lost it.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
