he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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