No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Another day, another engagement, another cat
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
