I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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