No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
There's always time for handjobs
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
