It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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