Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
