God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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