If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
