Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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