I am in a vortex of obligation.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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