you traded sex for a burrito?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize