I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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