There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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