It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
