Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize