and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
