On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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