dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
