i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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