Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
FUCK WHALES
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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