Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
