Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
