No stitches, just platelets and will power
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
