craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
