and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I could fuck to npr.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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