bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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