Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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