wakey wakey hands off snakey
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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