Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
