do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
