when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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