i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
