guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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