My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
