Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
