why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
We left the knife in your bed.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Randomize
