that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
