dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
