i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize