So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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