From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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