I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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