i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Let's paint friendship bongs
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
