i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
