i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
