Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
