Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
