How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Who put my cat in the fridge?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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