i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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