laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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